Healing and Psychic Overwhelm
I am a pandemic baby. It’s true. It took the pandemic to open me up to my abilities as an energy healer and not a common or garden variety healer, a big dragon-like healer of energy. I know it to be true because the messages have not stopped and have not altered in that regard. I became undone by my own energy and went into survival mode as I tried to figure out who I was and what I had become. My nervous system had to be completely torn down through belief system struggles to be reborn completely new. In fact, that is what the pandemic showed us. Time for something new. You can’t keep going on like this; it’s insurmountable for the planet and for you as human beings. My pandemic experience was not about physical survival as I was kept safe and warm in my home and had enough money to share my government checks with others less fortunate. Instead, it was an internal struggle with belief systems and letting go of predictable behaviors in myself.
Psychic overwhelm means you have a disbelief in the relational aspect to yourself, whereas PTSD and other trauma are a disbelief in the relational aspects to others in your environment. It’s a feeling in your body and mind that something’s not right. For me, it produces headaches or a vibrating sensation in my head, causing me to feel swirly. You can feel disjointed from yourself and don’t know where your head is at, pardon the pun. It’s a feeling of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once — like the movie. It was about a woman (played by the masterful Michelle Yeoh) believing in herself to have superhuman knowledge and strength and that she didn’t just belong to this every day world, she also belonged to a long-running lineage of being in perfect harmony with the Universe. Once she accepted it, along with her partner’s ability to be by her side, she found the grace and form to stand up for what she believed in and learn to understand the truth of the matter, which is something that lived within her, not something outside of her. Along the way, though, she had to break down her own belief systems, which can be disorienting causing despair or an existential crisis.
Psychic overwhelm can easily be set right if you sit down for a few moments and believe you have the power through your abilities. It comes like a one-two punch when you are in an introspective moment and feel a ‘knowing.’ This usually shows up as something related to you, not the world at large.
While I was healing from CPTSD, I went into many psychic overwhelm moments because the relational aspect to myself was in such disarray that I had no idea what was up, what was down, inside, or outside. I became undone by my own energy and didn’t understand what was happening. My only saving grace was my sister who kept me right side up. It eventually came to me that I need to accept that I am both mystical and magical as well as grounded and practical. I like the practical me better, I have to say, but the magic hasn’t gone away. In fact, I think it’s only ramped up as I have seen fairies in the forest, in my backyard and even acknowledge the sprite that lives in my refrigerator! How’s that for not being practical!
The moon and feeling moony
It’s my hypothesis that many women are psychic healers but don’t feel ‘graduated’ enough to take it on fully in their lives. I believe in the power of the moon and the push and pull on our planet’s energies, otherwise we would not have tides, which is scientifically proven, of course. The tidal locking between our planet’s systems and the moon is well documented yet we keep stepping away from that as a belief within ourselves. Why can’t we be the tidal force on the planet? We know we move in waves, our populations swell, we ebb and flow like the rest of the planet but we can’t seem to get the mix right. We say we’re either all science or none at all, why can’t it be both? (Because it is!)
The magic of the planet takes on different tones and ideas depending on the place, the people who inhabit that particular location and, of course, the forests including all plants and animals. Even the desert is magical without forests. Magic is as magic does, meaning we can all see magic in our own way and in our own time. I see it at twilight mostly, the most liminal time of day where all exist at once, but not in a pronounced way; it’s very subtle and you have to be in the right mood to tune into it. There it is again — mood or being moony, feeling the tides of the planet, not just the ocean tides. It also relates to time as a wave rather than a line, or feeling our best knowing that we’ve come out of our worst or a more distressing time. Time heals all wounds or the way our hearts feel love expanding outward, like a wave that swells into the distance. When you’re not behind a wall, the expansion is ever changing and ever moving, but not in an uncontrolled way, it's a soft ‘blub’ that feels comfortable yet enigmatic. What’s underneath the water? A friendly, magical, underwater being that is able to survive in the under world. In the end, it’s our heart centers that allow the wave to push forward.
We all have knowings or gut instincts but I believe women are more in tune with the tides of the Earth, not just the planetary tides. We have the psychic ability to reach out and the ability to accept. Why else would patriarchal rule be happening with such intensity? We have been suppressed in our minds, hearts and bodies to such a degree because we just know how things are. Somewhere along the line, someone didn’t like it and it’s been repeated over and over that (most) everyone believes that’s the way things are and that it is ever the same. Not so. Don’t you believe them.
Minotaurs
The minotaurs of our lives are the monsters that keep us in check. They could be anyone, any gender, any time, any place. They could be our boss, someone in our family, a friend. They could be unctuous towards us while they work behind the scenes to squash our ability to relate to others and our environment in our own way. This is a common theme and is played out in movies and other dramas, but are we aware of them in our own lives? It’s hard when you’re trying to make a living, keep your head on straight, raise the kids, pay the bills, make time for everyone else, etc. Minotaurs can also be beliefs that we have been kept in the dark about, or the ability to feel the sun when and how we want.
For me, the fear comes from not having my own authority or being raised in the Catholic Church. Oh yes, I’m one of those. Lots of people say they have developed guilt complexes from catholicism and I never thought I was one of them until I took a good look at myself. In my case, I believe I had it extra as my dad was ordained as a permanent deacon (the cooler version of priesthood) and my mom raised us in a strict belief of her own. Though our house was loving, it was not without its issues. Both of my parents enjoyed the community aspect of church and my dad used his authority to change the institution from the inside.
The authority vested in you comes from you, not someone else and not from an institution that fails to support you. Whether it’s marriage, working every day, or ethics that make you feel less than, all of these beliefs are ripe for change or to be eliminated completely.
Do you believe in fairies? Go for it! Do you believe in a part of the world that helps you feel alive? Do that as well! It doesn’t matter as long as it is held actionable and accountable in love and you feel warm and fuzzy about it. Don’t go there if it feels disassociating, dark and unctuous, or like you have to face a minotaur without support. Secrets and secret keeper energy only serve to keep us separate. Now is the time to share who you are with others. You don’t have to stand on top of a mountain and shout — or post it on the internet — but you can open up to those you trust.